How to Torture a Substitute Teacher

Put a whoopee cushion on her chair,
So sloppy work like you don’t care,
Throw spitballs
In the halls,
Drop your books on the desk,
Let me tell what to do next:
Put gum in her hair,
Be a nightmare,
Make buzzing noises during math,
It will surely make your whole class laugh.
Talk out loud, don’t raise your hand,
Never listen to the teacher’s command.
Trip people as they walk by
In the substitute’s face, throw a pie,
Go to the bathroom without permission,
Then steal the cookies from the school kitchen.
At lunchtime, play with your food
The sub will probably thing it’s rude!
When she’s not looking, take her make-up.
She’ll never, ever find that stuff,
Put a banana peel in her way, in the hall,
She’ll trip, slip, glide and fall.
Tell her she needs to get a bathtub
That is how you torture a sub.

Marisa
4th grade
Courtenay Language Arts Center,
Chicago, Illinois